My Love Affair With English Food Culture: By Amalia Mathewson

  I'll start by saying that I don't particularly like traditional English cooking. The veg tend to be overcooked, the desserts a little too sweet, the spices a little too bland. What makes me prefer the English eating experience to an American meal is the description of this limp, often greasy cuisine. I think if we put the adjectival effort into labelling our own food, we'd be much happier in our obesity.

What do I mean? Here, let me give you some examples:

       

 People use the word "gorgeous" to describe things like fries and burgers. It is so appealing. Imagine the difference: 

1. Someone pushes a plate of fried potato wedges towards you and says, "Try these! They're good!" 

You may or may not try the fries. You'll know what to expect.

2. Someone pushes a plate towards you and says, "Try these! They're gorgeous!" 

You will try the fries, thanks. They'll probably taste like any other fry, but you won't care.

Everyone seems so excited when their food or tea is served. They say, "Oooooh, that's lovely!" And it sounds like the food or tea has genuinely surpassed their expectations significantly. Even if I've ordered the same thing they have, it makes me want theirs instead of mine because theirs sounds a lot more fun. 

 I have never particularly enjoyed animal crackers before. Digestive biscuits and rich tea fingers are basically circular animal crackers, and I eat them whenever I can just because it is SO FUN to dunk them in tea. It's like a sport! Will it dissolve before I can get it to my mouth? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT! 

 And sandwiches! Firstly, saying, "widge" instead of "wich?" Bingo. "Want a sandwidge, love?" YES I DO THANK YOU. Secondly, they're always cut into little sailboat triangles. It is very nice to eat something shaped like a sailboat triangle. Thirdly, they're simple, but so exotic! Cheese and pickle. Cucumber. Rocket and cheddar. Prawn on toast. PRAWN! ON TOAST! Again, this is a food that I usually ignore in the US. Sandwiches... psh. Middle-school shit. But not here! They're posh and portable and moderately yummy! 

  It's not dessert, it's pudding. Pudding is one of my favorite foods, so even though I know that what will be served for "pudding" will almost certainly not be pudding or pudding-like, I get very excited.

 Cakes. Let's talk about cakes. The pluralization of the word "cake" is enough for me, frankly. Cakes and coffee, tea and cakes... I feel free to have as much as I want because it's already assumed that I'll be having more than one of whatever it is. The word "cake," while never unwelcome, has previously conjured up images of large, heavily iced birthday confections slurred with slowly melting vanilla ice cream. It's a once-a-year kind of thing. If someone said, "tea and cake," I would probably pass because I'd be picturing a slightly stale version of the above. But adding that sweet little "s" takes a crusty party food and turns it into a light, airy dessert that can be had not once a year, but once a DAY. No longer is it thick and chocolate-y; now it might be flavored with orange or lavender.

Basically, the whole tradition of evening tea bodes pretty well with me. It's snuggly and pleasant, and it fits the weather. 

But most of all, my love of English food comes down to one glorious word:

Squidgy. 

Just say it out loud, I don't care where you are.

Squidgy. 

Feel that "squ?" S-kh-ww-. It feels like saying a hug. It is the hug of words.

This is used to describe a texture that I honestly haven't found elsewhere. There's a type of fruit bread called Soreen that is the embodiment of squidgy. I don't know if it's sold in the states or not. It must be felt to be understood, so I recommend checking your local grocer.